Internet Mistress - An Original Novel

Internet Mistress By J J Kusnell, Author


Chapter I

Leah Goyarro was a thirty-three years old American of Venezuelan heritage and a single mother of three daughters, Angie age fifteen, Carla eleven, and Tara age five. Leah worked as a night shift supervisor in a Tampa, Florida live-in retirement community with over four hundred residents and though it’s wasn't an easy job, caring for the elderly many of whom were extremely dependent, it was a job she loved doing.
Leah worked five nights a week, every weekend, and often had to pull a double shift going in at three in the afternoon and staying until seven in the morning. The job was a decent job, paying around thirty-four thousand dollars a year, but she worked hard for her money and the truth was, after taxes, it was all she could do to make her bills each month no matter how hard she worked.
Despite the difficulties of the job, the hardest thing for Leah was leaving her kids alone so much. She hated doing it but the kids needed food and shelter and she did what she had to do to provide that.
Fortunately, Leah’s work was close to her home and in an emergency she could get there in a matter of minutes. That, along with frequent telephone contact helped her to cope as well as she did. Nothing was easy in Leah's world.
There were things about Leah’s life that she’d love to change; her income and work-hours being two of them; she needed more of one and less of the other but there was little she could do about any of that so she didn’t think much about it.
Leah wasn’t much of a complainer. For one thing, she felt lucky to have a job at a decent wage. Jobs - decent jobs with decent wages – didn’t grow on street corners for girls like her. For another, she was grateful that she had kids who seemed able to adjust to her schedule. They might not have liked it but they handled it and that helped a lot. Certainly it wasn’t what she wanted for them, or for herself for that matter, but it was what it was and they all learned to deal with it.
Despite the difficulty of her life, Leah was upbeat. She was a petite brunette with shoulder length curly black hair, a quick smile, and youthful good looks. Despite her thirty-three years, she had the body of a much younger girl and she was proud of it.
Leah was also bright and possessed of a naturally sexy manner that got her a lot of attention wherever she went. Unfortunately, with her schedule, she didn’t have the chance to go very many places. Leah’s life currently was painfully devoid of fun. .
If there was one thing particularly unusual about Leah, it was the fact that she genuinely liked older people. She always had. She wasn’t sure why she felt this way but as far back as she could remember, she had. She was also attracted to things that were older like movie stars, older music, and older movies. She figured maybe it came from the lack of security in her own life but whatever the reason, that was how she was and it was fine with her.
Leah’s life was okay for Leah but it wasn’t okay for her kids. She wanted something better for them. As soon as they were old enough, she began encouraging them to be good students, to pay attention in school, to do all they could to give themselves an advantage in life. She would do the work, she told them over and over, but they had to do the studying. "I will do my share for you," she would say, "but you have to do your share for me."
Although Leah seemed to find a way to scrape through every month, there wasn’t a day that was free of financial worry, and the worry got worse as the girls got older.
Leah began to experience sleepless nights. With the increase in pressure, other signs appeared. Leah began reacting badly to things she used to take in stride. Things like the kids being too noisy, or the house being too messed up or family fights. It seemed any little thing would set her off anymore. It was obvious to Leah that she was losing it.
For awhile, Leah tried dating, squeezing a little time out of her busy schedule. But it wasn’t long before she learned another harsh lesson: that in the real world, very few men - very few young men - wanted to spend time with a single mother of three, particularly if the talk turned to commitment. When young men decided to commit, she learned, they preferred to commit with women who had far less baggage than a mother of three would bring with her. Leah wanted to hate them for that, but she couldn’t. “If I were a young guy,” she told herself, “I think I might feel the same way. Kids are tough enough when they are your own; they are impossible when they’re somebody else’s.” She decided dating for her wasn’t rewarding enough to bother with.
One night Leah sat down to take stock of her life, where it was going and how she was going to continue to survive on such a limited income. She was born in Westchester, Pennsylvania. Her family relocated to Chicago when she was very young but finding things hard in Chicago, they moved back to their native Venezuela where Leah spent her teen-aged years. During this period, Leah picked up first an accent, and second, a husband.
At nineteen, Leah married Thomas Goyarro a former high school sweetheart and the young couple had three daughters. Following the birth of their second daughter, the Goyarro's moved to the United States and settled in Tampa, Florida where the ten-year marriage ran into trouble. Eventually the young couple split up. Leah remained in the Tampa area where she found a job and a new apartment and began a new life. Thomas did the same. That was five years ago.
Leah’s problems came to a head when her car, a ten-year old Sundance, broke down. Florida is a very hot place to live particularly in the summer. The daily temperatures are seldom less than ninety degrees and air conditioning is an absolute must. Leah’s car, that had recently been experiencing a series of mechanical problems that put an unusually heavy drain on her limited finances, now developed air conditioning problems. The A/C had stopped working. It was a problem you might be able to live with in the winter in Florida, but never in summer. In summer, without air conditioning, the Florida heat could be extremely uncomfortable for her kids, even dangerous.
Disgusted, Leah took the Sundance to a repair shop where the guy looked at it and leveled with her. “It ain’t worth fixing Lady, ” he shrugged. “I don’t even know for sure if it can be fixed but I figure it has to cost maybe about fifteen hundred.”
“Dollars?” she said, “fifteen hundred dollars! Christ, you might just as well have said fifteen thousand!”
With no one to turn to for help and no chance of coming up with that kind of money, Leah was in trouble. She had to do something but she had no idea what. She was, as is often the case with single mothers, between a rock and a hard place.
Desperate for someone to care, Leah began confiding in an online friend Bobby Riccio. Bobby was an older man from Virginia, a ex-cop that she had met on a political message board some eight months earlier. They had become instant friends. Bobby was bright and funny and level headed and Leah loved talking with him. For one thing Bobby always made her laugh and Leah loved to laugh. For another, Bobby took Leah’s mind off her troubles. But perhaps most importantly, Leah had been spending a lot of time alone these days, and in the evening hours, she was often horny. Bobby knew what to do about that and it wasn’t long before he introduced Leah to cyber sex, which soon became phone sex. It wasn’t real certainly, but it was better than nothing and for the two friends it became a regular thing providing both of them with a needed release.
In between the sex, Bobby and Leah developed a genuine friendship that Leah came to depend on. It wasn’t the least bit surprising that she had found with an online friend in whom to confide, nor was it surprising that he was older, but what was surprising was just how old Bobby was. Bobby Riccio was sixty-eight years old. .
Before long, Bobby knew everything about Leah and her problems. So when Leah called him to tell him about the air conditioning, he immediately recognized the depth of the problem and he was extremely sympathetic. It was late one night after listening to Leah once more expressing her hopelessness, that he came up with a suggestion. “What is it?” Leah asked him doubtfully.
“Maybe you can get some help from one of the guys you're dating.”
“But I’m not dating anyone. I don’t have a boyfriend,” she replied.
“What about that older guy you were dating a while back?”
She knew who he was talking about. "Yes, John. What about him?"
"How long did you date him?”
She didn’t remember exactly. “I don’t know. For a while, why?”
“Didn’t you tell me he has money?”
She laughed. “Yes, but he isn’t giving any to me so how does that help?”
“Can’t you ask him?”
Leah had dated John a few times. He was considerably older than she was and she liked him and she was pretty sure he liked her. But to stretch that into his being willing to help her financially was a leap of faith she wasn’t prepared to make. But rather than argue about it, she changed the subject.
A few days later, the subject came up again. It had been a blistering hot day in Tampa with the temperature climbing into the low nineties, and Leah was complaining that she was afraid to go anywhere in her car for fear the car would break down and she would be trapped out in the heat with her kids. Bobby was truly sympathetic.
“You’re going to have to do something Leah,” he said.
She replied angrily. “I know that! What do you suggest?”
“I think you need a new car. One with an air conditioning system that already works.”
For a minute, Leah was tempted to laugh. “And just how do you figure, I can get a new car, Bobby? With whose money?”
“I don’t know, maybe we should check it out.”
So Leah sat down and figured out how much money she could beg, borrow or steal from other bills, to get a down payment together. She didn’t think the Sundance would be worth much so she didn’t count on anything from that. With one thing and another, she could come up with about a thousand dollars. That included some tax rebate money and a few others things such as giving up her babysitter for the summer months.
“Do you think I can get a car with a thousand dollars down?” she asked Bobby when they were online a few nights later.
“I don’t know, maybe. Tell you what, Leah. Let me call around Tampa and look into car loans and see what they might be able to do for you. What kind of car do you want?”
“A Camry, a Toyota Camry. That’s my favorite. I want a Toyota Camry. It’s doesn’t have to be new but not too old.”
Bobby laughed but he wasn't very optimistic. “Yeah, well, maybe. Let me look at the dealer web sites and see what they have. I’ll get back to you.”
After a series of calls, Bobby boiled the available cars down to two dealerships and two cars, one a four year old Camry and the other a four year old Honda four-door Civic. Those were the only two anywhere near her price range. Leah went to both dealerships and talked to the salesmen. She also filled in credit applications for both cars.
They got back to her in a few days. She was told her income was insufficient and her debts too high to qualify for the Camry which was twelve thousand five hundred dollars. They also said her credit score was twenty-five points too low. Leah was shocked and upset because she thought her credit was fine. She had always paid her bills on time and couldn’t remember ever not doing so. At the suggestion of the salesman, she called the credit agency and was surprised to find out there was an old credit card bill of less than one thousand dollars that was the cause of the problem. It had never been paid.
Looking into it further, she found it wasn’t her debt but belonged to another member of her family who, without her knowledge or permission, had bought some things on her card and then never paid for them. Now she was stuck with it.
There was nothing she could so she made arrangements to pay the bad debt off monthly and let it go at that. They said that would be fine but it wouldn’t help with her current situation. They still wouldn’t finance the car.
Once more Bobby and Leah huddled together. Bobby came up with a revised strategy. Leah would try to come up with five hundred more dollars and go for the Honda Civic. It was a very nice car, four-door, black with great paint and a fine air conditioning system.
Leah found the money. She borrowed the five hundred dollars from a friend against future tax refunds and went back to the Honda dealership. There, she re-did her application increasing the down payment by five hundred. To make the deal go, the dealership also lowered the price of the car another five hundred dollars. It was enough. The loan was approved. Leah had her new car. But it had been a struggle.
That day Leah was happier than she had been for months. She drove the Honda home to show her girls and they were thrilled. She packed them all in the car and they drove around Tampa, the car radio blaring, the air conditioning system on full blast. It was one of the family’s best days in months. The car payment with insurance amounted to three hundred and fifty-five dollars a month. The term was five years. Leah wasn’t certain where the money was going to come from but that was a problem for another day. For now, one very big pressing problem had been solved. Her kids would not be found dead in the car in a July heat wave. She was elated.
“That’s the way it is when you live hand-to-mouth as I do,” she told Bobby. “You take your crises as they come, one at a time. And you solve them the same way, one at a time. If you have to pay the piper later, then you worry about that later. Its called survival.” And she laughed.
Once the car problem had been resolved, Leah got back to her routine and she and Bobby resumed their nightly talks. One night right around this time, Leah came home from work to a mess. Her oldest daughter, Angie, was generally pretty good at keeping things under control until her mother got home but there were times when she reverted to her age which was fifteen. When that happened, problems arose.
On this particular night, Angie had decided to make some dinner so she put a pot on the stove to boil water. As she waited, her phone rang. It was a friend. She went into her room, settled down, and began to chat. She completely forgot about the pot on the stove. The water began to boil.
It was fortunately that it was a big pot that held a lot of water. It was also fortunate that she had started late. As it turned out, when Leah came in some hours later, the water in the pot was gone, the pot was black, and her daughter was still chatting contentedly on the phone. Leah could have killed her. Thank God, the place didn’t catch fire.
It wasn’t the first time something untoward had happened while Leah was at work. It was just an occupational hazard. Things happen when the substitute mother is fifteen years old. On most nights, Leah could deal with it. But on this night, she couldn’t. Things had been piling up one after another and this was just one crises too many. She cleaned up the mess, made dinner for the kids, then sat down and cried. Then she called her friend, Bobby.
Bobby did his best to console her and after a while she did begin to feel better. Despite that, she was becoming aware that something had to change. She couldn’t go on like this much longer. Leah needed someone in her life to help out. And not just with the girls; Leah needed someone in her life to help her with her own emotional needs.
She needed a man.
But finding a man was easier said than done. For a single mother with three growing daughters, finding a man – especially a man who could be trusted in that sort of situation – was not something you did on a weekend. It required time, effort and a whole lot of patience all of which were in limited supply in Leah’s life. The stark reality was that the chances of any of this happening was still slim and none.
One late night when she and Bobby were talking online, Bobby mentioned an Internet dating service called Matchups.com. He read where there were twelve million people online that used this service and he wondered whether she might have some success meeting Mr. Right if she became a subscriber.
At first, she was very reluctant. She had never done anything like this before and she didn’t know how to do it or what to expect from it. But Bobby was confidence itself. He assured her he would help her construct a profile and also pointed out that the cost was minimal, just forty-nine dollars for three months He was sure she would get a lot of attention from the men on the service. Out of desperation more than anything else, Leah gave in. She agreed to give it a try. Now all that was necessary was the posting of a profile.
“So,” Bobby asked her one night when they were discussing her profile, “what exactly ARE we looking for?”
She laughed. “I don’t know about you, but I’m looking for a man. What else?”
Bobby laughed. She usually could make him laugh. “I know that; but what kind of man? What age? What does he have to look like, that sort of thing?”
She wasn’t at all sure. “Well,” she said, “for openers, I don’t have much time for a relationship unless he wants to pay my bills so I can quit my job and date him. Otherwise, I work all the time and when I have time off, there are the kids.”
“Okay, let’s start from the beginning. You work five nights, right?”
“Right.”
“Until about eleven-thirty, right?”
“Yep or even twelve o’clock. Lots of times I don’t get out of there until midnight or later. Some night, I don’t leave at all. I have to work through the night.”
“Okay, what about your days off?”
“Tuesdays and Wednesdays usually but I have to spend some time with the girls. You know, they need stuff –
“They need you is what they need.”
There was silence between us. “Yea,” she said, “that’s the problem. I don’t have any time for a guy even if I did find one I like. When do I have free time for that?”
He was silent. “Well, you have to make due with what you have. I know it’s not going to be easy. I don’t have any idea what the hell to write about you in your situation. You have two strikes against you going in. What chance is there that you can find a guy with all these conditions?”
“What about you?” She laughed. “We get along great and I like older men. Why don’t you move down here to Tampa? That would solve everything.”
He couldn’t help laughing although he knew she was serious. “Yeah,” he said, “at my age, I could move right into the facility there. I could be one of your residents.”
“That isn’t what I had in mind -”
“Leah, you have no idea how hard it would be for a woman like you to be with a man like me. Come on. You are young and vivacious. What could I do for you?”
She let out a sigh. “That’s just an excuse. I know all about men like you. I take care of them every day. And you and I get along so well – “
“I know we do, but living with someone is a totally different thing than talking on the Internet or the phone – “
“That’s what I have been trying to tell you. Everything is a different thing. If it's not you being too old, it's something else. It’s just an excuse.”
Bobby changed the subject. “Leah,” he said, “we agree it’s almost impossible for you to get involved with a guy in a normal relationship at this point in your life. Let me ask you this, what do you really want?”
She wasn’t sure. “I don’t know what I need but I know I need some help.”
“Okay,” Bobby said, “so you need help. Let’s see, you have very little time, you have three girls to take care of, you have a nighttime job – and you want someone to help you. What are the chances you would even have the time to let a guy get interested in you so that he might want to help you? How can you even do that?”
She was exasperated. “This is what I have been telling you and now you turn around and tell me the same thing? Idiot! This is my problem. If I lived alone, if I didn’t have any kids, do you think I have any problem getting men? No! Other than you, men like me, they think I am sexy! They want always to be with me. If I went to a club and just sat there, I’d have three guys buying me drinks all night long. But I can’t do that. In fact, I can’t do anything. I am stuck!”
Bobby felt bad for her. She was caught between responsibility for her kids and her own needs. He didn’t know what to say. "What do you mean, other than me? I think you’re sexy."
"Yes, but you don't want me either."
"Come on, Leah, let's be real. What can a seventy year old man do for you?"
'You don't sound seventy."
"But I am. Leah, that's just talk. In real life, I wouldn’t be any good for you. Hell, I can’t even walk to the parking lot to get the car.”
“I could get it for us. We could find a way, if you wanted to. Anyway, I think I am in love with you."
There was a long pause when neither of them spoke. Then she spoke again. “I'm sorry, Bobby. I didn't mean to put that pressure on you. Look, I know it’s hopeless, I am just too stressed out and too busy to make a relationship work. It’s out of the question. It’s just not happening.”
He was still upset but he brushed it aside. He wanted to concentrate on her. He really wanted to help her. And he had been thinking about something. “I guess,” he murmured, “unless – “
She picked up on his hesitation “Unless what?” she asked him.
He didn't answer.
She repeated the question. “Unless what, Bobby? What were you going to say?”
Again, there was a long pause as if he hesitated to say what he was thinking so once again, she prompted him. "For God’s sake Bobby, just say it! What were you going to say? Unless what?”
“Unless you don’t really want that kind of relationship at all; unless what you really want - or at least what you really need - is an arrangement rather than a relationship.”
.“What the hell is that suppose to mean? What do you mean by an arrangement?”
“I am just thinking out loud,” he said softly. “Look, we both agree you don’t have the time to build a normal relationship even if you could find a guy that wasn’t scared away by your three kids, right?”
Her voice sounded weary. “Tell me something I don’t know - ”
“Okay, so I have been thinking.”
“And so what?”
“So, I have another idea.”
“Fine, what is it! I’m ready to listen to anything!”
“Leah,” he said, ”what is it that young women have that men will pay for?”
Leah started to get angry and she would have except for one thing: she had been thinking the very same thing herself for weeks now. “No, Bobby,” she said quietly, “that won’t work. I already thought about it and I can’t do it. I’ll be honest with you, it would be easy. Men who wouldn’t give me a dime to help me would be glad to give me hundreds of dollars to be with me like that. I know that but I can’t do it.”
He hesitated. “Not that’s not it. Not exactly, anyway. Look Leah, in prior centuries, when men had control of all the money and women had no way to support themselves, there was an arrangement that many wealthy or powerful men had with women like you, an arrangement where the men would be special friends of these women - special friends with fringe benefits if you get my meaning – in return for which the women got the financial help they needed.”
She interrupted him. “You mean guys paid women for sex. They still do. Its called prostitution. I don’t need that!”
“I don’t want to call it that.”
"Okay, what do you want to call it? Tell me Bobby, what were the fringe benefits back in the old days?
He hesitated so she went on. “Sex! Am I right, Bobby? So why is that not prostitution just like it is today? I think so. No thank you.”
Again there was a short silence when neither of them spoke. Then Bobby spoke. “I guess it’s all in how you look at it. There may not be as much of it today as there used to be because a lot of women today make their own money but there are a lot of young single mothers out there today who desperately need help and there are always men to help them.”
“Yeah. So is that what you think, Bobby? That I should go find a – what do you call them – a sugar daddy? Is that what you think?”
He had to laugh. “I don’t like that term but yes, I guess that’s what I’m saying.”
She wasn’t buying any of it. “No, thank you,” she said, “if I wanted to do that, I could have done it a long time ago. That’s not for me. I’ll do it the way I have been doing it. Maybe I’ll get another job.”
“You mean in your spare time?” He was being sarcastic.
“Whatever,” she said, ignoring the sarcasm. “All guys want is the free rides, anyway!”
“Free rides? What’s that?”
“That’s what you called the fringe benefits before. That’s what guys want, fringe benefits!” And she laughed.
“Well if women give it them, who’s to blame?”
“The answer is still no, that’s just not me.”
“Fine. Then what will you do?”
She didn’t know how to answer him. “I don’t know,” she said and she started to cry. It was a mark of how frustrated she was for her to break down. It wasn’t like her..
Bobby felt bad. He was her friend and he was trying to help her. Being older, perhaps he had a different perspective on life. He knew she needed help and he also knew few people would voluntarily help her. But those same people – the men at least – would be more than willing to do what was necessary if they got something back in return.
And what they wanted was what she had in abundant supply: youth, vitality and sex. It was a business arrangement as old as time itself.
“Leah, he said softly, “please don’t cry. If I could help you, I would. But you need money this month and next month and for the next few years. I live on social security. I can’t help you even though I want to. I don’t know what else you can do.”
She stopped crying. “Is this you cheering me up, Bobby?” she asked, with a halfhearted attempt at a laugh. “If it is, you are not doing so good.” He knew that, but he didn’t really know what else to say. An old song came to mind. He still remembered some of the words.
Love for sale, advertising young love for sale,
If you want to buy my wares, follow me and climb the stairs,
Love for sale.

Nothing had changed. Nothing ever changed. And Leah’s situation was not going to change either unless she did something to change it.
He started in again.
“Leah, if you can find an older man, a good guy, a guy you would like and respect, and he offered to help you with your expenses in exchange for say one date a week, every week, what would you call that?”
“Prostitution,” and said and her irrepressible humor got the best of her and she broke out laughing. She couldn’t help herself.
But this time, he didn’t join her. “Well," he said, "I wouldn’t call it that. I would call it an arrangement. ”
Now she got it. This was what he was driving at. “An arrangement with a sugar daddy? Is that it, Bobby? Is that what you think I should do?”
He didn't like the way she said it. “Don’t call him that. That has a bad connotation. He could be a good guy who has some of the same problems you have. He wants a girl but can’t invest the time in her that he would need to. Or being older, perhaps young pretty girls would have nothing to do with him in the conventional way. There are all kinds of reasons. So he shortcuts all that by offering to help the girl financially in exchange for sexual favors. It’s as old as time itself. It’s what is called a quid pro quo - you scratch my back and I scratch yours.”
Now she laughed out loud. “Yes,” she said, “but I think more than the back has to be scratched if there’s money involved.”
This time, Bobby didn’t join in. “That was funny, Leah, but let me ask you this: could you be content with just one man? In a situation like the one I am describing?”
“If I was sleeping with him and he was helping me, you mean?"
“Yes, could you be faithful to the man in that situation?”
“I couldn’t do it unless I liked him and there would have to be a mutual respect but yes, I think so."
“Okay. All this arrangement does is shortcut the courting people usually go through. Neither of you has the time to go through the normal dating process so this shortcuts the process. And it gets you the help you badly need.”
“You make it sound like a business arrangement.”
“That’s exactly what it is.”
“But I would still be selling myself.”
“Not unless you think of it like that. Why can’t you just be up front with a guy? Tell him he has to like and respect you and you have to do the same or it’s no go. Meet him. Don’t do anything but have dinner or a drink. See if there’s chemistry. Then tell him how you feel. It’s would be just one guy and one girl. No one else involved. You won’t date anyone else and neither will he. You will both just have each other. Hell, in time it might really grow into something real. But in the meantime, it will help you keep body and soul together.”
“Body, yes,” she said, “but I don’t think it will do much for my soul.”
He knew how she felt. He just didn’t know what else she could do. “I know,” he said, but it’s a tough world out there and no one knows that better than you do. This is just one idea. Maybe we can come up with another but right now this is the best I’ve got. What about you, do you have any ideas?”
“No, I can’t work any more hours. I can’t let my girls alone any more than I am doing now. I have no answers.”
“Then you are out of options. Somehow I don’t think you are the only single mother in the world who is in this predicament. “
“And do they all have this arrangement?”
“No, of course not. Some wouldn’t do it. Some have other ways to get help. Some are not attractive enough. There are all sorts of situations and all sorts of reasons why people do or don’t do things. But I’ll bet you one thing –“
“What?”
“Lots of girls right now are exchanging their company for financial help from some guy in one way or the other.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I’d bet on it. They even have a word for these women. It’s as old as sex itself.”
“Yea,” she laughed nervously, “I’ve heard it. Whores.”
“Stop it!" he said angrily. "The word is mistress. The girl is called the man’s mistress. Maybe it’s not as common as it used to be but trust me, it’s still out there.”
She relented. “I believe you, Bobby, I’m sorry.“ Leah was tired both physically and emotionally and all she wanted now was to go to bed. She felt like a total failure. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was almost a sigh. “Bobby, I’m so tired. I don’t want to talk about this anymore tonight. Okay?”
“Of course, Leah. I understand. Let’s call it a night. Sleep well.”
“Thank you. Goodnight. Bobby.” She went off line.
Bobby did the same.


Chapter 2

Tuesday was Leah’s day off and she spent the morning thinking about Bobby’s suggestion the previous night. She got her kids off to school, poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the computer to see if Bobby was on. He was.
“Good morning,” she wrote.
“HI. How are you this morning?”
“Fine, how about you.”
“Doing as good as can be expected for an old guy.” And he laughed.
She laughed with him. “Oh stop it! You’re just trying to push me away! Anyway, I thought about it.”
‘Okay.”
“I decided if I like the guy, and if there’s chemistry, and if we only date each other, maybe I could.”
“Then you make all that part of the deal. He agrees or he doesn't.”
She was still reluctant. This was so new to her. “Okay, how do we start this thing?”
“You sign up for this service, write a profile, leave a broad hint as to what you are looking for, and see who responds.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It’s not easy. It's really hard. I know that. And it’s a last resort. I know that too. If you can think of anything else to do, I'd say do that."
She was quiet. "If there was, I would have already done it."
Again there was a pause when no one said anything. “Leah,” Bobby said, “if you meet a guy and you like him and he likes you, he takes you out, he spends money on you and in most cases, he expects something in return. And more often than not, in the real world, he gets it. Right or wrong?”
“Right."
“Same thing. Quid pro quo, you give something to get something.”
“I know. I already made up my mind to try it. I don’t know how I am going to feel about myself, but I'll give it a shot. How do we start?"
“You're sure?”
“No, I 'm not sure. But I’ll try it anyway.”
“Well before you do I want to tell you one more thing.”
“What is it?”
“Leah, its one thing to have sex for fun. It’s human and it’s natural. But to take money for it opens up a whole other problem. If you don’t handle it, it can really mess you up. From generation to generation, sexual mores – that’s habits – change. That’s to be expected. But what keeps us going is our basic values. Money for sex can be easy to get used to, too easy. I don’t want that to happen to you. Do this as long as you need to but then get out. I think you should try to go to classes that will make things easier for you down the line. Then you won’t need this kind of help. But you have to promise me you won’t let it seduce you. It can do that but it doesn’t work. Easy money in the long run turns out to be the hardest money of all. Do you understand me?”

She nodded. ‘Yes, I do understand. I know that. I don’t think it would happen to me but I will try to be sure it does not.”
It was all he could do. “Okay. How much help are you looking to get out of this?”
“Oh God, that sounds awful!”
He felt sorry for her. But it was a question she had to answer. “I know it does. But you might as well know what you want. I know there is no price that is worth it, but if you are going to do it, any guy you talk to is going to ask that question. You need to think about it. Are you looking for your rent? Your car? Your household bills? What? You are young and good looking and sexy. Guys will pay to be with you. So how much?”
“I know you are not trying to make me feel bad, but you are.” She sounded beaten down, close to tears again.
Suddenly he was running out of patience. This really wasn't his problem it was hers. All he was doing was trying to help. “Leah," he said, "you can’t keep vacillating back and forth. Either you can or you can’t, you want to or you don’t, you have to make up your mind. Nothing happens by itself. Do you know the definition of insanity?"
"No, tell me." She was down in the dumps and he could hear it.
"Getting up and doing everything the same way every day and thinking the result is going to be different."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means if you want something to change, you have to do something different."
She was quiet. “Okay. I thought maybe my car payment. That would help me a lot.”
“Your car payment? How much is that?”
“With insurance, about three hundred and fifty dollars a month.”
“Really?"
“Really, what? What’s wrong with that?”
“Leah, you're a very pretty girl. Your time has to be worth a lot more than that."
“It is? How much?”
“I don’t know. At least five or six hundred a month, I would think. Maybe more.”
"Did you ever pay?"
“For sex?”
“Yes.”
"No."
"Then how come you know so much?"
Now he was out of patience. "Jesus Christ, Leah, give me a break! You don’t have to be a genius to figure it out. With your face and body and being young and not even being a professional, if you're not worth five hundred a month, I don't know anything about anything! Of course you are!"
“Would you give me five hundred dollars a month, Bobby?”
He sighed. “Yes, if I was doing this sort of thing.”
“Fine,” she said, “you can have it for nothing. Come to Tampa.”
It broke the tension and he laughed. “Whatever.”
“So you think they would pay me five hundred dollars? That would help me a lot. Okay, five hundred a month.”
“Fine. Now, how often can you see him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, he’s sure as hell going to ask that. In fact it will be his first question.
You need to have an answer."
She thought about it. “I guess once a week, maybe two sometimes. Is that enough?”
“I don't know, I guess so."
“Do I have to have sex with him every time?”
Bobby put his head down on his arms. He wondered if she could really do this or for that matter, whether she really should. He sat up again. “Leah," he asked her, “do you really want to do this?”
This time there was no hesitation. “No, I don’t.”
“Well then maybe – “
She interrupted him. “I really don't but I have no other options. I am going to do it.”
He let out a deep sigh. “Okay then, we have to write you a profile. You are looking for an unmarried man who wants a young female who will be good to him in exchange for financial considerations in the amount of – ?”
“You said five hundred. You think that’s fair?”
“More than fair. You are a very attractive girl.”
“Then how come you don't come down to see me?"
"Oh, for God's sake!"
She cut him off. "Never mind, I am just kidding. So it's five hundred dollars every month. I will do my part if the guy does his part. Now all I have to do is find him.”
“Well the best way to do that is put in your profile what you are looking for."
"Okay. But no young men, I want only older men. I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me or want me to go out to clubs with him or any of that stuff. And no drunks and no potheads. And no married men either. I just want, what you said.”
“You want a business relationship?"
"Yes, a business arrangement.”
“Okay, then that’s what we’ll look for. We’ll make it plain in your profile and see what happens.”
“How do I meet the ones who are interested?”
“I guess they will email you.”
“I need pictures.”
“We’ll put that in. No picture, no contact.”
“Okay, then let’s do it. Can you write it for me?”
“I can write the first draft and then you can rewrite it in your own words. Okay?”
“Okay. When?”
“It shouldn’t take long. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the next day. I will email you when it’s ready and send it to you.”
“Okay. Let’s talk about something else now, okay?”
He laughed. “How about sex?” he said.
She laughed too. “How about not!”
“Well then I might as well go to work. I’ll email you when I’m through. You go sign up for the service.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.”

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